its almost 3am now. just finished talking to thing online, feels good. (: but my brain isnt feeling good. its dead. i cant squeeze anymore thing in. but i need to finish market structure today cos i was supposed to finish it yesterday!!! wasted the whole of today away cos of my idiot cramps. suckssss. i need to finish one book of macro econs tomorrow and one on saturday. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! ok im dead.

im already looking forward to after exams even before i take it. is it a sign of giving up? hah.

ok im dead. i didnt manage to finish physics by yesterday. IM SO DEAD. and theres no extended school holidays!! expected it. it was quite dumb of people to forward those messages actually. as if MOE will care.

i was bathing just now and i realise im actually quite a forgiving person. its like i can never be angry with people for long or to be harsh on someone. people can meet me at like 9.30, but come at 4, and im not angry. weird huh? im too used to people coming late. but i hate it when people fly aeroplane.

ok im finally going out to study tomorrow. hopefully it'll be productive man. didnt manage to play table tennis/badminton today. ):

i dont understand a freaking thing about radioactivity!!!! and EMI!!! and ionic equilibria!!! and alot alot more. im so DEAD.

anyway, forgot to mention i finally washed my running shoes! i think some of my classmates will be damn glad, they wont smell a stench coming out of nowhere anytime soon. hah. but washing it is more tiring than running with it. -_-

im super homesick!! i offered to buy dinner for family yesterday just so my dad can come home earlier cos i miss him! oh man. how to stop this homesick feeling? ive been staying home almost everyday this week, still very homesick!!

ive been feeling very home sick lately. must be the result being out from day to night for the first 2 weeks. stayed home on monday. only to found out that it was mr kelvins tan death anniversary. saw it from the orbituary. shocked that time passed so fast. seriously too fast. think we are too caught up with our own lives. wonder if any one remembered him. but his family never stopped thinking of him for one day, according to the message on the orbituary. sad...

then it was fruitless mugging at home. seriously stay at home = eat, watch tv, use com, slack. sighhhh.

went out super early in the morning on tuesday. clar told me she'll be done with her BTT around 9. so i woke up at 830. turns out she was done at 840! so i rushed out of house as fast as i could, ended up forgetting to take my socks. so i went back to take.

met her at j8 then walked to the gym, but it was closed!!! so much for going back home to take my socks lah. yeah they are undergoing renovation works for the asian youth games. argh. ended up bathing at the swimming complex. haha. sounds damn dumb. i stay at bishan go swimming complex bathe. halfway through bathing, suddenly came a weird music. its like some dialect/buddhist song?! so i asked clar why she listens to this kind of music. then she said its not her. then i said dont bluff lor, and insisting its her. then after that song was a zhou jie lun song. then i asked her again if the previous song was from her phone, she said its not and keep asking her dont bluff. then she was like "shir, seriously not me! you better stop saying, its embarrassing!" then i was like, "oh my god really not you meh". super paiseh lah. ok i dont know whats the point of saying this.

anyhows, went for macs breakfast after. initially wanted kfc breakfast but bishan dont have. ): after that went to mos burger to study but wasnt productive at all cos our hearts were already at orchard lah. i only finished reading a few notes. then time seems to be passing super slowly. finally clar finished with her notes and we left for town! woohoo! super crowded for a tuesday night lah. didnt know the link from the mrt to wisma opened already. YAY dont need walk one big round next time! shopped a little then had dinner. ate until super full and continued shopping. NUM 50% off no more!! ): but clar bought a new pencilcase for 50% off. didnt manage to get my flip flops. ):

walked even more, seems like theres nothing much. and we went on the wrong day cos mango was preparing for sales the next day! oh man. by the time we go back after mids nothing to buy already lah ):

ok i dont know why im narrating the whole thing. im super bored and none of you is updating! ):

anyway, thing, is aussie having sales now for havaianas? and, enjoy your trip home! when are you going back to aussie? you can reply me by email. haha. i lazy email you.

sigh ive missed the 9pm show for 2 days already! and will probably miss it tomorrow as well. the show isnt exactly nice but li nan xing is so funny!

mid years are causing me to lose my sleep and the shows that i usually watch at night! i wake up at 8 plus everyday just to make sure i get to the cc by 9.30 so that i can sit at my favourite seat. it feels so uneasy sitting at other places. so the routine continues everyday. wake up, wash up, pack bag, go cc, mug, lunch, mug. then at night will either be for entertainment or continue mugging.

went to watch the Hockey Junior World Cup yesterday at Seng Kang stadium. ahh i like the stadium, got 2 pitch!!! and its new. got to see many ang moh. but they dont look like U21 at all. they look so matured. but they are definitely much more good looking than the Singapore team. anyway, caught the Australia vs Chile match which Australia won 5/6 to Chile 0. Singapore lost to India 0-10. the Singapore team was is really quite lousy compared to the other teams. tried to cheer for them but theres hardly any chance. haaa.

went to watch Night at the Museum 2 today!! very nice. super funny lah! but felt very guilty cos i studied so little today. only managed to mug from 10-3. had New York New York after that. food wasnt very nice but ate until damn fullll. and now im back home, waiting for my hair to dry so that i can go sleep and wake up early to go mug again tomorrow. sighh my life sounds so sad. )))): GSS now, but no time and money to go shop!!

studying is the worst thing to do. and whats worse is studying for 13 hours.

today was hardcore mugging from 9.30am-10.30am. but i dont feel accomplished at all cos the progress is so slow! organic chem is so irritating, its confusing me!!!

tomorrow will be worse. i dont think ill be ready for the test on monday. AHHH!! but at least im seeing the girls tomorrow. hopefully it'll be a great night (:

im feeling desperate already. YES. really desperate for time. i cant even sleep in peace cos ill be thinking how much ive yet to study.

if i can pass my mid years, it'll be a miracle.

i miss the past especially much tonight. ive been missing zhonghua alot lately. and I MISS YOU GIRLS SO MUCH.

i miss going to find you all after school.
i miss having lunch with you all.
i miss thing's lame jokes.
i miss studying with you all under the umbrella.
i miss just spending time with you all.
i miss screaming and doing stupid things with you all.
i miss doing birthday surprises with you all.

I. JUST. MISS. YOU. ALL.

what's life all about? why do we have to deal with so many emotions? i dont need a variety of emotions to brighten up my life. i just want to be happy. ALL THE PROBLEMS DISAPPEAR, NOWWWW.

my sis has all kinds of friend. rich one, smart one, sporty one, funny one..and now, a friend whos in the entertainment industry! SO COOL!!!!!!!!

her primary school friend recently added her on facebook and she realised he have been acting, writing songs etc. and his sister was my primary school friend too!! he wrote 我的太陽 for yang zong wei and just finished filming hua mu lan. COOL!!!

why i dont have such friends...? hahaha.

finished watching Boys Before Flowers today! its the korean version of liu xing hua yuan! the story's about the same but the guys inside are totally good looking! and my favourite!!

hes the korean version of Xi Men, called So Yi Jung. super cute!

and i realise korean shows dont always choose the most good looking one as lead. they choose the one with the most charisma!

korean version of Dao Ming Si, Gu Jun Pyo!

the korean version of Hua Ze Lei is not bad too. but i cant find a nice photo. go watch the show!! even my dad watched it! he watched it before me! =O oh yah, their child version also damn cute!!

two days consecutively at CCAB makes me feel like playing hockey.

there were 2 hockey matches on thursday. but i didnt forget my aim of going to CCAB. to support the volleyball guys!!! they were great. though they lost to hwa chong 3-0 on thursday, they put up a good fight. and hwa chong no. 7 is damnnnnn shuai! youwen, i envy you. ):

friday, they played for the 3rd/4th placing. didnt plan to go initially but went down anyways since some of my classmates decided to go. very exciting match against vj. and we won!!! the volleyball guys did a great job! and the vj supporters were really sore about it. HAH.

i think volleyball is such a friendly game. they dont have any body contact with the opposing team and they will just cheer whenever they score a point. haha. but their warming up is really cool. they will take turns to just keep spike-ing/zham-ing ball at the opponents. and they have to keep sliding on the floor. poor thing.

so our half day holiday is gone since bball didnt even make it to the finals this year. sigh. i think the school will close down all sports cca soon. the school is really bias one lah. and damn practical. hate it.

and MANCHESTER UNITED IS THE CHAMPION!!! =D

OH! i forget to tell you guys about two incident that make me very angry even till this moment i am typing it. Whenever i think of it, i want to explode.

That day ( quite long ago) i was ordering food at KFC, a indian manager serve me. My bill was $4.50. I gave him a $50. Then he asked me for a 50 cents. I was using a pouch with a lot of things inside ( my keys, thumbdrive, money, ez link, atm card) so it was damn difficult for me to get coins out. So i said i don't have. Then he asked "really arh?" So i try to be nice and i pour everything out from my pouch and i only got 40cents. My friend who is behind me walk over and gave the manger a 50 cents. Then the manager gave me change that consist of four $10 one $5 and two 50cents. TWO 50 cents. WTH right?! Is he trying to be funny?! I feel like stranggling him on the spot.

Yesterday when i was on the bus, i doze off and i woke up because i can feel someone keep touching my waist. So i open my eyes, A FREAKING INDIAN MAN was sitting beside me, his elbow keep touching my waist, i didn't move because i want to see what he is up to, then he slowly move his hands towards my leg. !@#$%^&*()_ I "ahem" very loudly, make a very big movement and place my bag in between the two of us and gave a super bu shuang look. This BLOODY INDIAN MAN, pretend to look outside the window and look at my facial expression! ARGH! !@#$%^&*()_+ Then i roll my eyes at him, then he press the bell and got down the bus. Before he get down, he still smile at me. TMD! He still got the cheek to smile at me! RAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Very angry! Is always indian leh! The other time on the bus also indian. Damn annoying!

My sister's boss is also an indian and she keep picking on my sister. My sister will come home and complain to me every now and then. I swear all these make me feel like being racist.

picked up a new sport recently, PING PONG!! very fun!! and badminball too!!! hehehe.


我要打乒乓!!!

lynette called me on friday and told me that she haven't seen me or hear from me for a month. That is when i realise i haven't been talking to you guys and updating you all about my life.

I am having two modules now. Japanese and Digital Modelling. Very tiring ( as usual) but somehow i am enjoying it. =)

I have a role play next week. I have to memorize lots and lots of lines that i don't really understand and i must act when i am blabbering stuff that i don't understand. 0.o

Digital Modelling almost tricked me into believing that i am playing The Sims. =)
















Iam like building houses for my sims, just that they can't move in.

OH! Did i tell you guys Sims 3 is coming out?! I am so excited but i can't buy it unless i get a new computer. My computer can't support Sims 3. =(

I love and miss you guys a lot. =)

(for my own memory sake)

Season ended yesterday, with us drawing with JJC 0-0 (bad luck match with so many balls hitting the post. #@$*&#@$$%), won PJC 2-0 (savour the victory), lost to VJC 3-0 (good fight put up), lost to ACJC 6-0 (stupidest mistake ever). We played our last match against SAJC and lost 3-0. But I'm glad we gave our best, though there's so much more that we can improve on. But it's all over now and I shall not harp on it.

Joining hockey is probably one of the very few decisions that I made myself and I'm proud of. Hockey is more than a CCA; it taught me so much, gave me so much happiness, stress, fun and friendship. It's amazing how we started out as pure strangers but eventually, came together to undergo all tough trainings and work as a team and joining A Divisions. From all the suicides, intervals, triangles, butterflies, drills, fitness and strenghtening, to all the fun, laughter, sweat, tears, blood, injuries, every moment still seems so real, even up till this point. I've never regretted joining hockey, even when fitness seems to be so tough, I feel like giving up, my teammates will always be there to spur me on. Even when I'm sad and stressed about friendlies or matches, they'll be there to calm me down and tell me I can. Simple words like "Don't worry, you'll do fine." makes wonder and is really what keeps me going and feel like giving my all for the team.

And the fact that we never seem to get enough of each other, make me even harder to let go now. From trainings, to meals, to mugging-turn-stress-hence-ball-hitting sessions to making fun of each other whenever we see each other in school during breaks, I could remember everything so clearly like I'm flipping a book now. When everything seems tough and I thought school sucks to the max, they came into my life and make me look forward to school everyday(especially after school). We became so close like a family. And the D is like our home. Whenever I feel sad or angry or stressed, I know I can always go back home, to hit some balls and my family will always be there.

I've learnt so much from hockey. There are times when we were pissed with each other during trainings, but I've learnt to let things that happened on the pitch remained there. I've learnt not to say sorry on the pitch; learnt to motivate myself; learnt to accept every individual for who they are; learn so much, so much...

Some people may think we are ridiculous, being so emox after every match, and especially now when our season has ended, I just want to tell these people. Don't think you understand us, 'cos you are not in our position. You don't know how much this means to us so I would appreciate if you could give your two cents worth of comment to yourself.

And to people who have always been very supportive of us, THANKS A LOT. Thanks to the guys for coming down to support us every match, thanks to 17/08 for being so supportive and wishing me good luck before every match, and thanks to anyone else who supported us. And to those who think who couldn't make it, thanks for doubting us and making us want to prove to you all we can do it.

To those who pin so much hopes on us, especially Saiful and Ms Tay: Sorry, we let you down.

There are so many "if only" that I could think of now. Like if only we started our trainings earlier; if only we trained harder; if only this, if only that. But I'm more than glad that we've come so far, to where we are now. We didn't reach our goals of getting to the semis, but we are like one of the team with only 3 experienced players in the Top 6. We all started learning hockey from scratch and started proper training in around August 2008. But we have all improved so much since we started out. I guess what we lack of is experience, and for that, I really have no regrets and I'm glad we are able to make it to the Top 6.

To tell people that I'm ok is really a lie. 'cos it's just so hard to let go. But I will move on soon and focus on my studies and do well for my A's to shut some peoples mouth shut.

I will miss trainings so much, so much from now on. Even if I were to choose again, I will still choose hockey, with no hesitation.

TEAM AJC 2008-2009
















I'm a high school player.
I'm a team player.
I play with my friends and with some of my enemies, but I respect everyone when it comes to my sport.
I know I'm not going to get a multi-million dollar contract to play professionally. I know I may not even get my name in the paper.
I play for love of the game.
For the pride and honor, for the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to make the team, to earn the spot, to win the game.
I play because I can, I play because I know that my life would be empty without the sport I play.
I would have a lack of everything my sport gives me... integrity, courage, talent, fearlessness, pride, strength, stamina, will, and the heart of a champion.
If I didn't play, I would lose a part of me.
I'm an athlete. I'm a girl.
I'm a champion, not because my team always wins, but because when we don't, we learn from our mistakes.
We try to fix them, and most of all because we have fun.
I have built lifelong friendships and memories because of my being an athlete.
I leave everything on the field or court and continue to push myself.
I am never happy with second place, but I have learned to accept it.
I have learned to get over and through my anger and be the athlete and player I have always dreamed of being.
I don't play for my parents, for my family, for my friends; I don't play for my coach or my teachers or my school.
I play for myself but when I'm playing I represent them.
It isn't about winning or losing, but I hate to lose.
I won't settle for a tie, and I am not satisfied with 100%.
To play, you have to sacrifice everything, your body, your time, your sweat, blood, and tears, everything... for your team.
I am a player, and athlete and a champion, not because I know what it is like to win, but because I know what it is like to lose.
I know what it is like to feel the anger and pain that comes along with "second best."
I have been that girl with tears in her eyes, walking out to receive the second place trophy and clapping as the other team, my opponents, receive the first place one.
I know what it is like to lose, to win, to want to quit, to want to cry, to not want to get up.
I know what it is like to hear the cheers and yells for you.
I know what it is like to feel the pressure of everyone on your shoulders, and I know what it is like to choke under that pressure.
I know what it means to be an athlete, a true player, and that is why I play.
I am an athlete, a champion, a true player."
--- "An Athlete's Pride"

HELLO HELLO.

haven't talk to you guys for such a long time ):

how's everybody??

oho, do you know who i am? 

hahahaha.

anyway it's currently 12:49AM, so my brain is not functioning very well.

basically i'm just talking rubbish here >.<

anyway, I MISS YOU PEOPLE.

yep. that's all i wanted to say. haha.

take care okay!

don't travel to mexico!

beware of the H1N1 virus!

bye bye. 

from the rare blogger, YOUWEN (:

today started off well but ended off bad. not very bad, but bad.

have you ever felt like youre a lousy friend cos seeing your friends sad and you cant do anything doesnt make you feel any better at all? yes im feeling it now. i guess nobody understands how much we want it. the passion for the game, the amount of time we put into trainings. we do not just want it to end in 3 A division games. i can understand it. cos after the first match, the tears just rolled down thinking that things may not be optimistic. thinking that our journey may just end in 3 games. i can imagine how sad the basketball girls are feeling now, especially clar. and also to the hockey guys, who have lost their first game and drew the second one. the third one is so crucial. seriously i dont know what i can do. words of encouragement may seem easy to say but it all boils down to themselves. i really hope they can pick themselves up. like immediately to face the match on wednesday. cos its so not the right time to give up now. ive seen them train so hard. (yes definitely harder than the girls) and how much they've improved. their team spirit. i really really hope they will get into the second round cos they totally deserve it.

so much about worrying about others. i can barely solve my own problems.

sucks to know that no matter how much i say i dont care, i still care.

i feel like eating oreo suddenly after looking at the oreo advertisement!

wah i feel so pig. today was spent sleeping and eating and watching tv. feels so shiok but so guilty. i shall do my work later.

anyways, we lost to vj 3-0. we didnt do too badly i guess. i think the team really persevered till the very end, especially the mids and defenders cos we practically didnt have any chance to attack. could see that they were very tired cos of the blazing sun. sis came down to support but yeah, she said its boring. haha.

went to Island Creamery after and she treated me to ice cream while she had mudpie. waited for her boyfriend to come pick us up and we went for dinner at Din Tai Fung at j8. (thank god for his car. but you bet i was such a BIG light bulb). so we had dinner and suddenly i got captain's message to say that theres no training today. so i raised my hand and said "yay no training!" then suddenly a waitress came over and asked if i need to add anything. oh man damn xia suay. hahahaha. she thought i wanted to order something cos previously i raised my hand very high up cos she couldnt see. LOL.

oh yay i can finally change my grip!! i promised to change my grip if we can into the next round. and yeah, we are in top 6 now. its gonna be so much tougher now cos the other teams are really strong. but we'll do our best (:

thing, hope youre coping well over there. know that its kinda stressful. if youre feeling stressed, go eat ice cream! haha. my best way of relieving stress (:

im tired. very tired. i cant wait for everything to be over so that i can just spend one day sleeping. i cant concentrate nowadays in class and my studies are going haywire. i dont like to give myself excuses like im tired cos i know everyone else is. sigh. i need to get back on track. but every other day ill be worrying about hockey and whatnots. SO STRESSED!!!

recently, my classmate's mum passed away. felt really sad for him. and i must say hes really, really brave. went down to his house for the wake yesterday after the match. he lost alot of weight but hes really strong. he told us the story of how his mum passed and i felt a tinge of nostalgia. its exactly how i felt one year ago. i know its gonna be hard on him to get over it, especially when its the closest person to him. and being the eldest son at home, and having to face A levels this year, i hope he will continue to stay strong, and get good results and make his mum proud.

sigh. i dont know why this year is full of unhappiness i feel like just giving up sometimes. really dont want to care about anything and just shut myself from the world.

tomorrows the big match against vjc. i hope we can play our best. or rather, I can play my best cos i played like shit yesterday. dont want to feel like ive let the whole team down again. i want to do my team proud. YES. CAN DO IT, MUST DO IT. WANT IT, GET IT.

I remember thing once said before, "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game". Tomorrow's the big day. No doubt, I'm scared. But I'm going to tell myself I can, cause it's now or never.

WE CAN DO THIS. GO AJ HOCKEY!